07 October 2008

Pioneer Day Magic Trick or Brother Balut

Sure, to the untrained eye this image appears to be nothing more than a dapper young fellow about to enjoy the simple pleasure of a duck egg...You would be correct in this observation except for one important oversight. That is no ordinary duck egg. It is a Ping Special. My Filipino co-worker brought it in special......Let's watch what happens next............................................................................................................
WHAAAAT??? That egg sure looks odd inside..
Is that a beak?

It tasted better than it looked, which basically means I was able to eat two of them with out ill effect. Well done stomach.

29 May 2008


As I was returning from the mail room to my office, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, an unusually well coiffed individual. A split second flashback placed me in the Hart Building on the campus of BYU-Idaho in 2004. President Bednar, or Dave (as I affectionately referred to him) was giving one of his frequent devotionals as the church appointed steward of that college in Rexburg. What initially caught my attention then was the same that made me do a double-take today. It was for him that I coined the term "Bishop Hair". Hair so perfectly combed that from birth it has obeyed every whim of the brush. Thick folliage that is completly, and evenly distributed throughout every hecthair of his scalp. Not one out of place. It was this same geneticly engineered headdress that found itself waiting by my side for the elevator. Having never found myself face-to-face alone with an apostle of the most High God, I was unsure what to say. Luckily my mouth didn't encounter the same quandry. My mouth gave a boisterous "howdy!" before I had a chance to think. I said howdy to Dave by the elevator. Luckily apostles aren't power mad attention demanding types. He knows who he is, I don't need to remind him. I would like to think that God himself would react to a heart felt "howdy" just as cordially as Elder Bednar did.

21 March 2008


Porkchops, T-bones, Pot Roast, Bacon, Cornish Game Hens, Carne Asada...... Ah the meat group. How I love thee. What better way to reward yourself for being the top of the food chain than by eating other animals. But whoa unto such that consume naught but the tasty meats. There is a condition, a debilitating disease that I have dubbed: Meatabetes. It is the physical manifestation of the most savory degree of culinary hedonism. A slippery slope that can easily avoided, but once began will lead you to total paralyis. If one indulges to eat nothing but meat, pounds and pounds of meat, his very blood will turn to gravy. His entire organism enters into a sort of meat coma. One in which all but the most essential of life support functions ceases for hours. If this attitude becomes chronic in nature, the result is.......Meatabetes

Which reminds me. I better go check on the porkchops.

16 February 2008

Things Are Looking Up

That's right folks.  You heard it here first.  Or at least read it here eventually.  After taking a monumental leap of faith, without looking what I would land on, celestial bounty has graced me amply.  I quit my job in Logan without so much as a good plan, other than leaving Logan.  I then drove from the Land of 10,000 Lakes to the City of Roses and back to utah in a cross country adventure.  While in Portland I received a call and a job offer.  In November I interviewed for a position with the LDS Church.  After weeks of calling and asking and waiting and hoping I had given up. Out of the blue, or rather partial cloudy skies of the Tulatin Valley a long awaited miracle found me and resuscitate my rotting disposition.  Last Monday I began working as a GIS Technician for the LDS Church.  Better job, better pay, better friends. better food, better weather.  Better Good.

20 January 2008

The Moon & Mantequilla

Welcome everyone to the long anticipated debut of the Baker Butter Collection.  This inspired piece was wrought from the well fed furnaces of imagination that continually burn inside of the artist.  Produced in charcoal and watercolour; The Moon & Mantequilla is an essential addition to any art lover's collection.  Limited Edition Prints are available upon request.  For the the artist's convenience please include a self addressed, stamped envelope as well as the print number.

07 January 2008

Mmmm.... Haiku

divine fried masa
angelita gordita
más pupusas please

In North Logan, an unassuming new eatery has quietly lit its ovens and opened its arms.
La Pupuseria El Salvador had an effect on me not unlike that of the Berlin Airlift upon the impoverished and downtrodden West Berliners. In the midst of a dreary December, a bean filled mirth entered my soul as the elusive aroma consumed my deprived senses. A large handful of dough lovingly embraces a soul of beans, cheese and chicharon. Each pupusa is flattend and pan fried until it glistens with pride. Each is careful adorned with a mild chile sauce and blanketed with a vinegar-cabbage relish. This Salvadoranian sensation presents a delightful bouquet of Latin euphoria. With frequency my heart is called back within its comforting walls.

The Sideburns That Won The War...or at least participated in one

Through the marvels of modern science, I have been able to provide you with this picture of Ambrose Burnsides.

Hey! I think he still owes me 20 bucks!

07 November 2007

Great Blakes in History

Since the finger of the most divine Creator touched this planet, and set forth the human machine, there has been one among them who was celebrated for his great heroism, handsome features, and chisled physique. Every generation or so throughout the ages this figure has returned to prominence among mankind. This week we have the choice opportunity of gazing upon the inspiring stoicism and comforting mustache of this Union General. Though the name of General Burnside is more often retold in today's history books, it is seldom heard that Gen. Burnside's rise to relative prominence was largley due to his copying of this Blake's distinct facial grooming. Civil War Blake, you are forgotten no more.